The Beat’s First Annual Bad Haiku Contest

We were inundated with hundreds of entries for this contest and most of them were very bad! In fact, we’d like to congratulate Seattle on having so many truly terrible poets. In addition to the very, very bad we received many gross submissions, and, sadly, some good stuff we couldn’t use.
The following are the 10 runners-up climaxing with the worst Haiku we had the pleasure of reading.

Most men like melons
Especially ripe and juicy
Hands off those are mine

By Sarah Daniels

Jews atone for sins
Once a year, on Yom Kippur
Beats confessional

By Rebecca Jo Solomon

Soft pink Elephant
You are my OCD dream
Touch touch touch touch touch

By Sara Phillips

Young man, young woman
He asks, she asks, his hands
Move apart, show size

By Gerard Delany

I do not like poems
I just want fifty dollars
Show me the money

By Darlene Huber

A Big Mac mouthful
A loud belly rumbling
Oh crap no toilet paper

By Pamela Stark

Oh hipster fixie
Skidding thru stops helmetless
Pants tight, German bag

By Jake Hjorten

I like my women
The way I like my coffee
In large quantities

By Cindi Textor

Haiku are three line
Poems that no one who speaks
English can write well

By Miles Durrance

Loud, shrieking voices
Shattering of glass vases
Time for a spanking

By Cy Bishop

Winner! Worst Haiku 2011

Slippery pasta
Broccoli, pepper, garlic
We ate, we had gas

By Lorin M

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